


dreams don't just fade away

by azvin



Category: Tir Alainn Trilogy - Anne Bishop
Genre: Gen, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:13:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28141443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azvin/pseuds/azvin
Summary: The dreams that haunt Morag are of the what might have beens
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3
Collections: Yuletide 2020





	dreams don't just fade away

**Author's Note:**

  * For [eirenical (chibi1723)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chibi1723/gifts).



Morag jerked awake, heart pounding. The air in the room was cool with the coming fall, the shutters open to let in the breeze now that there was no longer the threat of nighthunters.

She lay still, knowing sleep would be a long time coming again, but not wanting to disturb the shadow hound puppy curled against her until the puppy woke needing to go outside. 

These were not the same nightmares that had chased her, the warning of what she would become. These were more mundane, ones that Morphia might have taken away if she had returned to Bretonwood with them. The what might have beens if Morphia or Ashk had hesitated a moment too long.

In the best of the dreams, Morphia had hesitated, but Ashk had not. Sometimes Morag woke then. When she continued to sleep she dreamed pleasantly of Ari and Neall and two children, a boy that looked like Neall, and a girl with dark eyes. 

On the worst nights she dreamed of what would have happened if Ashk had hesitated. And on those nights, there was no going back to sleep. 

A cold nose in her face brought Morag from her thoughts. Nessie had woken and the puppy was looking down at her, tail wagging. Once she knew she had Morag’s attention, she let out a soft bark, then jumped off the bed and raced to the door, tail still wagging full speed. 

Shoving the contemplation of her dreams aside, Morag climbed out of bed, wrapping one of the blankets around her shoulders for warmth. She opened the door before Nessie could bark to wake the whole clan house and followed Nessie’s bumbling puppy dash down the corridor and outside into the cool night air.

Ashk looked with concern on the scene before her. Morag lay asleep on a bench next to the clan’s outdoor hearth, Nessie somehow curled up on the bench next to her in a contortion only a young animal or toddler could manage. In the pre-dawn light, Morag’s face was relaxed in a way that Ashk had rarely seen when she was awake, but her fatigue still showed in the deep shadows under her eyes. 

It was the same position Ashk had found her in every morning in the two weeks since she’d moved out of Neall and Ari’s cottage and into the clan house. When Ashk had asked why she had left, Morag had said that they needed more room for the baby. But she hadn’t met Ashk’s eyes when she’d said it, and Ashk couldn’t help thinking that something more was going on. When Ashk had tried to probe further Morag had asked for time and Ashk had reluctantly given it to her.

With a glance at the rapidly lightening sky, Ashk let out a soft whistle. Nessie’s head shot up and her tail began to wag. With the movement, Morag began to stir. 

“Blessings of the day to you, Morag,” Ashk said once Morag had opened her eyes. “The ladies of the hearth will be down soon to start breakfast.”

Ashk hated to wake Morag when she so clearly needed the sleep, but it was better that she not be found sleeping here by anyone else in the clan. The first morning Morag had fallen asleep outside, the clan’s Lady of the Hearth had found her when she came to start breakfast. Morag had not reacted well to being woken by a relative stranger, and since then Ashk had come each morning to wake her before anyone else in the clan had risen. 

Morag, still groggy, gathered her blanket from the bench while Nessie ran over to sniff at Ashk’s boots. Ashk reached down to scritch Nessie’s ears. The puppy seemed to be the only thing holding Morag together. She had been surprised when, coming back through the Mother’s Hills, an innkeeper along the way had greeted Morag enthusiastically and drawn her away from the group to the side of the courtyard. Sometime later she had joined Ashk in their room with a shadow hound mix puppy cuddled in her arms, staring at it with a warmth and hope that Ashk had not seen in her before. She had hoped that the puppy would help calm Morag’s nightmares, but that hope had been in vain.

They both had had nightmares during that trip back to Bretonwood. It hadn’t surprised Ashk, they had walked deeply in the shadows, and one could not always walk immediately back into the light. Ashk’s nightmares had slowly improved, helped by finding Padrick and the children healthy and safe, and Ari delivered of a healthy baby boy. 

She had hoped seeing Ari and Neall safe and Ari with a healthy babe would help Morag’s nightmares as well, but barely a week after they had returned Morag had arrived at the clan house one morning, asking if she could stay. 

It scared Ashk, knowing what Morag’s previous dreams had meant, wondering what fresh horror might be coming their way. But Morag had asked for time, and so she had given it. But not for much longer.

Ashk watched Morag closely that day. Morag went about the tasks she had been assigned diligently, but she rarely talked with, or even acknowledged, anyone else. Even when Ari came by with the babe, Morag hung back, refusing when Ari tried to get her to hold the child. The only time Morag’s reserve changed was with Nessie. 

With the puppy Morag was gentle, affectionate, and patient and Nessie returned the affection, following everywhere on Morag’s heels. 

That afternoon Ashk found Morag in the stables, helping a group of adolescents muck out the stalls. Morag looked up as Ashk approached, setting aside her shovel. 

“Blessings of the day to you,” Morag greeting softly. 

“Blessing of day. Will you walk with me?” Ashk asked, knowing that Morag would see the request for what it was. Morag considered carefully, and nodded. She put away her shovel, and asked one of the adolescents to watch after Nessie, who was curled asleep in the stall with Morag’s dark horse, before following Ashk into the forest. 

They walked for a while in companionable silence, staying on trails dappled with sunlight where deeper woods or bright meadows could be glimpsed on either side. Ashk let the woods seep through her, the awareness of the shadows and the light, the balance, calming and centering her as it always did. 

When they reached a small clearing next to a small cheerfully running stream, Ashk took a seat on a fallen tree. The tree had been old, and Ashk had to jump slightly to sit on its mossy trunk, sending a shower of small pieces of bark rattling into the leaves. After a moment Morag settled next to her.

“What troubles you Morag?” Ashk asked quietly. “I had hoped, with the Black Coats gone, you would find some peace, but…” Ashk trailed off, gazing at Morag with concerned eyes. 

It was a long moment before Morag spoke, her voice so low Ashk could barely hear her over the rustle of the wind in the trees and the rippling sound of the stream.

“It is better.” Morag looked down, at her hand twisting at a piece of moss on the tree trunk. “The dreams aren’t like they were. They don’t mean anything anymore, I don’t think.”

While Ashk found that reassuring, it didn’t explain why Morag was cutting herself off from all those around her and why Ashk found her outside next to the hearth each morning. But she didn’t say anything, waiting for Morag to continue.

“I dream of what might have beens. What might have happened if you or Morphia had hesitated. If Selena and the Daughters and Sons hadn’t been able to reverse the magic. Or…” Morag trailed off, and Ashk knew that this was what truly kept her up, and what had driven her away from Ari and Neall’s cottage.

“Or that what the Daughters and Sons did was not permanent. That I go back to being that and you are not there to stop me.”

Ashk’s breath caught as understanding flooded through her. She too had had dreams where she had not been fast enough or Morphia had hesitated. But she hadn’t contemplated the healing of Selena’s magic not being permanent. The Daughters and Sons of the House of Gaian were so powerful, and so confident in their power to remake the world, that when Selena and the Crone had said Morag was healed, Ashk had been grateful, but had not doubted the magic or the miracle.

Ashk reached out, and making sure Morag saw what she was doing and could move away if she wanted, placed her hand on Morag’s shoulder.

“That is why you wouldn’t hold the babe, and why you moved to the clan house?”

Morag nodded. Ashk thought for a moment. 

“Before, it helped when we shared a room. The dreams didn’t seem as bad on our way back to Bretonwood. Do you think it would help again?

Morag looked up sharply. “But Padrick.”

Ashk shook her head. “Padrick doesn’t stay here all the time. And even when he’s here, I don’t think he would mind. He told me about your trip.” There was something in Ashk’s smile, half shy, half something that Morag did not understand. What could Padrick have told Ashk about their trip? 

“Do you think it would help?” Ashk asked, pulling Morag away from puzzling Ashk’s previous statement.

“I, yes, I think it would help.” 

“Good.” Ashk jumped off the tree, brushing bark and bits of moss off of the seat of her pants. When Morag didn’t move, Ashk reached her hand out. After a moment’s hesitation, Morag took Ashk’s hand and slid off the tree less gracefully.

“And Morag,” Ashk turned back from down the trail back to the clan house. “I would never have hesitated. I made a promise to you. I’m just glad that Morphia didn’t hesitate either.”

Morag stood in her room, dressed in her night clothes, indecisive. She desperately wanted the good night’s sleep she knew Ashk’s presence would bring, but she hesitated to intrude on the space that belonged to Ashk and Padrick. And there was the matter that both her room and Ashk’s only had one bed. She could have asked for a cot to be brought up, but she was reluctant to advertise her business to the rest of the clan that way. 

Finally, resigning herself to another night of nightmares, Morag climbed into bed and closed her eyes. Only to snap them open again as a heavy weight landed on the other side of the bed. Rolling over Morag came face to nose with a shadow hound. The shadow hound snorted, then turned in a circle and settled down on the bed, head resting on her paws facing Morag. Nessie, her place coopted, whined and tried to scramble over Ashk until Ashk turned her head snarled. After that Nessie settled at Morag’s feet. 

“Thank you Ashk,” Morag said quietly, the menace of the shadow hound somehow even more comforting than Ashk in her human form. With a soft sigh, Morag closed her eyes and fell almost immediately asleep.

Coda

Morag woke to a whining from the other room. Bright morning sunlight streamed through the window, though the air was cool with the coming autumn. A warm body was pressed against her back, and gentle snores sounded from the far side of the bed. 

Gingerly sitting up so as not to disturb her companions, Morag surveyed the other occupants of the bed. The warmth against her back had been Ashk, sleeping on her side with her ash brown hair spread across the pillow behind her. On the far side of the bed Padrick sprawled, one arm hanging over the edge of the bed. 

Morag had not had a nightmare in weeks, but she still slept better with Ashk nearby. And more and more often recently, when Padrick visited, Morag did not return to her room. 

Another whine from the door brought Morag out of her contemplation. Grabbing her clothes off of the chair, Morag slipped through the door before Nessie could wake the room’s other inhabitants. Nessie had finally resigned herself to being locked out of the bedroom at night, but she got impatient on the mornings when she knew Morag would be visiting Ari and Neall. 

Finishing dressing, Morag opened the door to the hall, and stepped out into the bright sunlight.


End file.
